Knowledge and Truth
by sesskag87
Summary: The words, I hate you..ran through her brain. But, they weren't true, not at all, not even a little.
1. Chapter 1

Hello to all, I've been introducing new stories onto my page for the last few weeks. Well, now I'm introducing another. One that I've very excited to introduce to everybody.

I've never written a Snape/Hermione fanfiction before, and I'm really excited!

* * *

_Unbreakable Vow.._

_Unbreakable Vow..A magical spell of unknown incantation, in which one witch or wizard makes an oath to another. If either of the two break their terms, they die. _

"_Do you…Severus Snape, agree to watch over Draco,as he attempts to carry out the deed the Dark Lord has bestowed on him to perform?" Bellatrix whispered into his ear. _

_Narcissa's hand was slightly shaking, waiting on his answer. _

"_I will."_

Snape's eyes snapped open. That dream tormented him every single night now.

He lay on his bed, his eyes trained on the ceiling above him. This summer had simply been hell for him. And today, class started. No doubt the new dunderheads would be any different this year as any other year.

He felt a slight tingle in his left forearm, and looked down at the mark. The ugly, twisted snake that seemed to move on his arm. Sliding up, sliding down, never stopping. It had burned him half of the summer. There were many meetings, mostly towards the newest Death Eater.

Draco Malfoy.

Snape watched as the Dark Lord branded him. He could have sworn he saw a tear escape the young man, as the black snake branded him forever.

Lucius Malfoy was a fool. Due to all his failures, he now sat in Azkaban, the man who was in the Dark Lord's inner circle. Blood idiot. He had dragged his family into hell, all due to his pride. And power.

He sighed, rubbing his temples with his fingers. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for any of this.

* * *

Hermione Granger lay in her bed, going over her school list in her brain. She was mentally checking off her list of supplies. The most important item was her cauldron; it was tucked neatly away into her suitcase. Over the summer, Professor Snape sent out a message to all of his students, stating that they all had to provide their own Cauldrons for the following year. Due to travesties in the classroom, that had now, destroyed all of his.

He also, specified black for the cauldrons. Hermione wondered why he emphasized that. Well, when she got to the Witch's Brew on Diagon Alley, she suddenly understood.

There were multicolored cauldrons littering the little shop. Pink, Green, Blue, Teal, Yellow, any color you wanted. Hermione saw two girls, younger than her, giggling in a corner, picking out bright pink one's to bring with them.

Professor Snape was not going to see it as humorous as they did.

Over the summer, Hermione had gotten into many quarrels with Harry and Ron over Professor Snape and Draco Malfoy.

Harry was set on believing that Professor Snape was still helping Voldemort, and that Draco Malfoy was now a Death Eater, after learning his father was now in Azkaban.

Hermione was not surprised that Harry believed Professor Snape was still a death eater. He had always told them that he was.

It never bothered Hermione to the extent of anger, but now that he was lumping Malfoy in there with their professor, it kind of annoyed her.

Claiming someone was a death eater, was a serious crime.

Professor Snape had proved time and time again that he was on their side.

"_Harry, you could get Malfoy in a lot of trouble for saying that." She scolded him. _

"_I don't care; he deserves whatever he gets, along with his father."_

_Ron nodded his head, agreeing with his friend. _

_Hermione knew if Malfoy heard him, it would stir up more trouble than they needed right now. _

"_And what about the greasy-haired git." Ron nudged Harry, laughing. _

"_Ronald!" she yelled at him. _

"_Oh please Hermione, that's exactly what he is. The bat of the dungeons."_

_Hermione had heard enough. She snatched her things out of the top shelter, and slammed the sliding door open. _

"_Aye, where you going?" Ron called after her. _

_She didn't answer. Only slammed the door in his face. _

She always scolded her friends for being disrespectful to teachers. She felt like sometimes, they said those things just to mock her.

It irritated her. For two days now, she had avoided both of them. She had had enough of their childish antics. It was time to get serious.

Suddenly, her alarm went off. It was screaming 7:30, also waking everybody else in the room.

"Hermione!" Parvarti Patil grumbled.

"Turn it off!" Another girl yelled.

She hastily slapped the top of her machine, turning the machine off.

Class started at 8:30, she had just enough time to eat, and read some of the book she had bought from Magical books etc. The newest bookstore in Diagon Alley.

Over the summer, she had checked out books from an older bookstore, Magic and Nonmagic tomes.

She hadn't found anything on the darker side of the magical spectrum. She was looking for information on the death eaters, and how they came to be.

She was not looking for any dark magic of any kind. She had stumbled upon some of those books, but immediately put them back, eliciting many stares in the process.

Not finding what she was looking for, she returned the checked out books. There was one fascinating subject in the books though. It had many passages on the Ministry of Magic.

It didn't shock Hermione. It didn't shock her that the Ministry of Magic had been infiltrated numerous times in the past. Just like it was now.

Hermione pulled on her uniform, grabbing her bathroom case.

She brushed her hair in the mirror, causing her curls to snap back in a static frenzy. She huffed and waved her wand over her head, putting a taming spell on her hair.

Smiling at the progress, she stared at herself in the mirror.

The years had been decent to her unmanageable hair; it was no longer as unbearable as it was in first year. Some days were better than others.

Her figure filled out, but it didn't turn heads. She didn't mind that, she honestly did not care.

She glanced down at her watch; it was close to 7:50.

Hermione descended the stairs from the common room, heading to the Great Hall.

She pushed open the doors, realizing she was one of the very few people down this early for breakfast. Glancing up at the staff table, she noticed Hagrid, Professor McGonnagal, and Professor Snape. Flitwick was trying to get up in his chair, causing the teachers to look on with a small bout of humor.

Hermione sat down at the very end of the table. She dug in her bag for her new book and took it out.

She started to shovel some food onto her plate.

She opened the book, Darkness:Defined. It was absolutely fascinating. It stuck to more things like Werewolves, Vampires, and Deatheaters.

It was absolutely loaded down with facts she had never learned in the Defense against the Dark Arts class. Absolutely fascinating!

Snape sat back in his chair, having enough of listening to Flitwick complain about being a Goblin. He looked out over the few students that sat in the Great Hall, Granger being one of them. The insufferable little Know-it-all had her face shoved in a book. As always.

He snorted; she was studying earlier this year. How annoying.

Snape realized that she didn't have the other two idiots with her today. He raised an eyebrow; they usually followed her everywhere, asking if she could do their homework.

She was chowing down on eggs and bacon, her nose deep in the pages of her book. He suddenly caught one of the words on the cover of the book. He choked on the pumpkin juice he had just started drinking.

Snape stood up abruptly, making his way over to the girl.

Hermione had come across the deatheater section of the book. It was talking about the dark mark, and how it had come to be the Dark Lord's symbol. It also told who the first death eater had been. A mister Lorandi Malo. He was from the northern part of Scotland.

Hermione scanned more of the facts about the first death eaters, and how the snake had come to be their symbol.

'Well, of course, because of Salazar Slytherin.'

Lorandi believed that he had been the heir of Slytherin, so he had created the death eater group. After learning about Voldemort, Lorandi decided to join up with him. He gained power. So much power.

It eventually destroyed him.

Suddenly, before she could read about the initiation ceremony, the book was snatched from her hands.

She looked up, shocked.

Snape was scanning the book. His hands had a white knuckled grip on the outer part of the book.

"What is this Ms. Granger?" He asked her, his voice low.

"I-It's a book I bought over the summer professor." She told him.

He snapped it shut, glaring at her. She shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.

"You are not allowed to read this." He told her, venom lacing his words.

"It wasn't from Knockturn alley or anything like that sir." She hastily tried to defend herself.

"It does not matter Ms. Granger, this book contains things related to the Dark Arts."

"I'm well aware of that sir, but we learn things here related to that subject."

Professor Snape glowered at her. His face showed no signs of letting her have the book back. Hermione never broke eye contact with him. Why wouldn't he let her read it? It didn't make sense to her.

Professor Snape tucked the book into his robes and strode away.

Hermione did a double take. H-How dare him, he just left! Taking her property with him!

* * *

How do you like it so far?

-I love you.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm a grenade, one day I'm going to explode and obliterate everyone in my wake." _Fault in our stars._

I love you all.

* * *

Hermione sat in potions class, watching Professor Snape. Questions floated in her brain, like why he had taken her book away? If it had contained anything illegal, it would not have been sold to her.

He had absolutely no right to take it from her.

She wondered if he was just doing it to get under skin.

He was explaining to the class the effects of the sleeping draught.

"If anyone knows how to brew the sleeping draught, raise your hand and enlighten me." He said, dryly.

Hermione whipped her hand up.

"No-one, how disappointing." He stated, just as dryly.

Hermione was close to standing on her toes.

Snape glared at her.

"Alright, clarify us with your never-ending wisdom Ms. Granger."

She looked at him for a moment. "The sleeping draught isn't exactly a sleeping potion. A sleeping potion is much lighter than a sleeping draught, which makes you sleep for at least three days. You need a nightshade leaf, tree sap, and…"

Oh god. She couldn't find the last ingredient.

"Go on Ms. Granger." He demanded.

"I-I don't know sir."

He raised an eyebrow and sneered at her. The class erupted in little giggles. Especially the Slytherins.

"10 points from Gryffindor, for wasting my time."

The Gryffindors grumbled, and Hermione slid down in her chair, humiliated.

* * *

After class, Ron and Harry pulled Hermione to the side.

"What happened Hermione?" Harry asked her, concerned.

She nodded her head, not really sure of the answer herself. Suddenly, she saw Professor Snape leave the classroom and go in the direction of the dungeons.

"I have to go; I'll catch up with you both later." She told them, turning on her heel and leaving.

* * *

Hermione pounded on his door, her anger rising. How dare he embarrass her in front of the entire class, and how dare he take her book!

Snape sat at his desk, papers littered out in front of him. Stupid 1st years and their insufferable essays.

He raised his wand, unlocking the wards on his door.

Hermione backed up and shrieked when the door flew open.

"Hello Ms. Granger." He said, without looking up from his essays.

"Sir, we need to talk."

"Speak then."

She didn't sit down, but stood in front of him. She placed her hands on his desk, feeling the anger bubbling again. He wasn't taking her seriously.

"You had no _right_ to embarrass me in front of the class today."

He raised his head finally.

"You should know your facts then Ms. Granger. "

She almost guffawed at him. "I knew it! I-I…"

He raised an eyebrow at her again.

"Apparently Ms. Granger, you do not know everything. Is that a hard fact for you to face?"

Hermione felt her face turning redder and redder.

"And.." she seethed. "I want my book back."

He glared at her then, leaning back in his chair. "No."

How she wished he'd just topple over in it. "No?"

"Yes, No."

"Why not?"

She was challenging him.

"It is not appropriate for you to read Ms. Granger, why are you so interested in it?"

"I was reading, and _learning_. Sooner or later professor, we're all going to have to be prepared for anything."

His eyes darkened. "Meaning what?"

Hermione back tracked. She knew he was a death eater. He had shown his dark mark before, to Cornelious Fudge, to prove the Dark Lord had returned.

She felt like she was offending him. Would he hex her to oblivion?

"I am just curious Professor."

He leaned forward in his chair, "You are curious about things that are due to get you in trouble Granger. Why the sudden interest? Is it because Potter puts silly ideas in your head?"

There was silence throughout the room. Hermione did not know what to say to her teacher. The truth? No! He would torture her for the rest of the school year.

Suddenly, she understood why he was questioning her so much.

"You don't think I'd j-join…"

"No." He whispered, venom caressing his already dark voice.

"I would hope you would never be that stupid Ms. Granger."

She defiantly plucked up her chin. "I am not stupid."

He nodded his head, studying her. She seemed to be at great odds with herself. He knew she wasn't reading the book to learn up on how to be a death eater. Around her age, when he started to hang around Lucius Malfoy, he was told about the 'group.' He had yearned for a place in power. A place where not even the bullying Potter could touch him. And he had found it.

It had all escalated so quickly. He wasn't told, and hadn't known what he would have to do to actually _be_ a death eater. He was so naïve.

More silence drifted between the two.

"Ms. Granger, to be perfectly honest, I do not care what your meaning for reading the book is. The obvious truth is, I cannot give it back to you."

Hermione glared at him harder. Her lips pursed.

She turned and left the room. Slamming the door behind her.

Severus was a little humored watching her leave the room. He could still feel her anger, it amused him.

* * *

She was angry, no she was _livid. _How d-dare he…humiliate her!

Why, why couldn't she have the book?

Suddenly, a thought struck her. The book would most definitely be in the restricted section.

* * *

Dinner went by uneventfully. She and the boys were still not on speaking terms, not really. They had yet to apologize to her.

"Blimey, she must be really angry Harry."

He nodded, they watched as Neville struck up a conversation with her about Gillyweed.

She seemed interested in the specific plant, drilling Neville with a million questions, asking where she could find it.

"The closest would grow on the banks of Romania, Hermione." Neville said to her.

She smiled. She could get Victor to send her some! Oh, how exciting!

Looking around, she noticed Harry and Ron staring at her. She turned away, not saying anything.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Bloody woman."

Snape had his eyes on Draco from the staffs table. He wasn't eating. He also was not talking to any of his friends at the table. The Parkinson girl looked absolutely affronted. Which humored Snape to some degree.

He would have to help the boy, that much was fairly certain. Would he let him? Probably not, that famous Malfoy pride would get in the way.

He turned his attention to Granger. She was talking to Long bottom, excitedly grabbing his shoulder and shaking it.

How utterly ridiculous.

Potter and Weasley looked lost without Granger.

Pathetic. And he was the chosen one?

Snape raised his pumpkin juice to his lips. It would be a long year.

* * *

Hermione sat in the library, waiting for it to close so she could hide out in the back. She knew exactly how to get into the restricted section, having done it numerous times before.

She looked down at her watch. It was now approaching 10:00.

She grabbed her bag and shifted into the back, behind a bookshelf that no-one visited.

Ten minutes later the lights were off. Leaving her in the pitch darkness.

She waited a few moments to take her wand out and say lumos.

A few minutes went by, and she decided it was the right time.

Pulling her wand out, she whispered, "Lumos."

Hermione tiptoed to the restricted section and whispered the password that they had yet to change through all the years at Hogwarts.

She browsed through the sections, keeping herself hunched low. She held her light semi under the counter, to block out some of her light.

Making it through half of the section, she suddenly saw the book, "Ah ha." She cried in triumph.

Taking it, she turned off her light. She stood stalk still for a moment, thinking she had heard a shuffling in the bookshelf next to her.

She heard the sound again, like a book hitting the floor.

'Oh no!'

Hermione tucked herself underneath the cabinet, blending into the darkness. She pushed one of the chairs up to her, shielding herself more.

Suddenly, there was a light on her row. She shut her eyes, praying that they would not see her.

They did not.

They passed quickly and smoothly. She opened her eyes, chancing a glance at the person.

Draco Malfoy?

What was he doing in the restricted section?

What did he want?

Questions buzzed around her head. Well, whatever he was looking for, he did not find.

He turned his head to make sure no-one was behind him and turned off his light as well. Slipping out the door, he disappeared into the corridor.

Hermione breathed in and out into the darkness.

She waited for a few moments, making sure he would not come back.

Five minutes went by, and nothing. She shakily got up from her hiding place, leaving the library an unsteady mess.

Severus was out patrolling the corridors. He had yet to stumble upon anyone tonight. A shame, he always liked seeing the panicked expression when he found them out.

Hermione knew Professor Snape would be out patrolling. She knew how to avoid him. She guessed it paid to always be sneaking around the castle making Polyjuice potion. He would be mostly around the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff areas.

The safest approach was to swerve around and go the long way. Around Slytherin.

* * *

An hour and she safely got into her common room. It was approaching midnight by the time she lay in her bed.

Sitting in the chair in front of the fire, she cracked the book open. Flipping through the pages, she found the one she had stopped on. Excitedly, she kept on reading.

Initiation:

Death eaters, before being chosen into the circle, must do a task:

A successful killing spell. By means of torture, or Avada Kedavra.

Reading the killing spell made Hermione tense up. Then suddenly, her thoughts flew to Professor Snape..meaning h-he had to do this?

Her throat felt remarkably dry as she continued reading.

It was a passage, a story of one of the most effective, and one of the most grueling stories of an initiation.

She felt bile rise in her throat.

_Severus Snape, age 18, for his initiation, gathered 3 muggles and a mudblood. He told them about the magical world, and brought them to the Malfoy Manor, to show them that what he told them was true. He stood them in a line and told them to wait for the exciting experience! _

_The Dark Lord emerged to watch at this point. _

_Severus Snape then performed the cruciatus curse on each of them until they screamed for death. _

Hermione wished she could stop reading the entry, but she just could not.

_They wished for death, but he would not oblige. Conjuring up a poisonous snake, he let the animal strike at them for a few minutes. When they were a grizzly mess, he finally struck the killing blow. He however, did not kill the mudblood. He obliviated her, and set her free outside the Malfoy Manor. _

Hermione stared into the fire, the book forgotten in her hands.

How could she ever look at him the same now?

Why would he do that?

_How could he do that?_

Too many questions, one's she would probably know the answers to.

And why…had he let the…muggleborn live?

* * *

Snape went back to his rooms. He had caught two 1st years out, they got gotten lost. He assigned them both detention for a week.

He took his cloak off and set it across his bed, the book that now lay on his desk gleamed in the firelight.

Curiosity got the best of him. He wondered if what he read was true, if a book could update itself if introduced to new information.

When he had taken it from Granger, he hadn't read very far into it.

He scanned the pages, and suddenly, the book fell from his hands to topple onto the floor.

_No._

That couldn't be in there.

But, it was.

Snape grabbed at the firewhiskey that sat on the opposite side of his chambers, filling up his glass.

He was definitely glad he had taken the book from her now.

* * *

Teehee

R&R


	3. Chapter 3

My bad.

**Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me, of course. Full entailing rights go to Ms. J.K. Rowling. Without her, none of this would be possible. **

On to chapter 3. I hope everybody is enjoying the story so far.

Any feedback, good or bad, is highly welcome and appreciated.

* * *

Hermione Granger could not pay attention. Her thoughts drifted from one spectrum to another. The passage that she had read infiltrated her dreams and her mind the entire day. Usually, her hand would spring up whenever a question was asked. But today, she was quiet, and had sat in the back in each class.

She scribbled down notes. Mainly to herself, saying to get it together, or, it happened so long ago, get over it.

But, the main question was, why had he let the muggleborn live?

Harry and Ron sat beside her in her last class. Potions.

Harry touched her shoulder, making her jump.

"W-What?" she asked, moving her hand to her chest to calm her heart rate.

"Hermione, is something wrong? You've been very quiet today."

She timidly smiled at her friends worry. He apologized to her at breakfast, saying it wasn't his intention to offend her.

Ron had yet to be so gallant.

"I just haven't been sleeping much." She said. It wasn't an actual lie; she hadn't had a decent night's sleep since their little adventure in the Department of Mysteries. The faces of death eaters littered her nightmares. They were in every nook and cranny. In the darkness. Always there. And then, the face of Sirius as his skin turned ashen, and he simply…drifted out of this world.

She confided in Harry over the summer. And she wasn't shocked when he told her he was having the same problem. She knew how much he missed Sirius. How he dreamed about him dying.

Hermione put her hand on his arm, smiling up at him. "You needn't worry Harry, I'm alright."

The words were a lie. After reading the passage in that book, she wasn't sure if she could just wave it off. It bothered her. It _really _bothered her.

Suddenly, Snape entered the room. His cloak swished at his feet, leaving a black trail behind him.

Hermione's heart sped up as she felt herself move lower into her seat.

She wanted to bolt for the door. She wanted to stand up and shout at him why! Why had he done it? She wanted, no, needed answers.

He stood at the front of the classroom and aimed his wands at the windows, making the curtains fall over them. The air in the classroom instantly grew stale to Hermione. The ability to breath was starting to become a hassle and she quickly tried to calm herself down.

It was darker in the room. Hermione's hair stood on end as his black eyes scanned the room, looking for any students who were talking. Waiting, just waiting to deduct any house points he could.

Hermione's mind flashed back to the passage, he had performed the cruciatus, for an unbearable amount of time.

"Today, we will be brewing a potion. The sleeping draught."

Her breath quickened again. Her anxiety was getting the best of her. It was outweighing her logical thinking, making her head swim with nasty variations of killing someone. And snakes.

Everything was muffled to her. Everything was like a dream, slowly moving around her.

Harry was pulling on her arm, shaking her slightly.

"Hermione? Hermione?"

She closed her eyes and reopened them. His talk was a bit clearer now.

"We have to pair up."

She nodded and stood up.

She didn't notice black eyes narrowly watching her.

"No!" She shrieked at Neville.

Hermione always wondered why she was the only one who every wanted to work with Neville. He wasn't _that _bad. When he really put his mind to it, and didn't let his fear of Snape overweigh his thinking, he was actually quite good at potions.

But, today, he was positively horrid. Or maybe, it was just her. Her nerves on pinpricks.

"Well done Long bottom." Said a dark voice behind them.

Hermione held a sharp intake of breath. Her skin started crawling. _'No, please, don't stand behind me, don't stand near me..'_

Neville was fumbling for something to say. His face had now turned a dangerous red, his fear and humiliation mounting. Hermione's fingers trembled, frightened of the man behind her.

He seemed so close to her. His dark aura overriding her sense. His close proximity was starting to suffocate her.

"Are you both going to speak for your stupidity?"

Neville bit his lip. "I should not have put in the tree sap first sir."

"Very good." He drawled.

His eyes drifted to the bird's nest that was supposed to be hair beside Long bottom. "And you, Ms. Granger? Anything to say, before I deduct 50 points."

The crowd erupted in flabbergasted guffaws.

"Silence!" He bellowed.

Hermione jumped.

"Look at me Ms. Granger."

She couldn't. Oh god, she couldn't.

'Get it together Hermione!'

Taking a breath, she turned.

"I apologize for ruining the potion sir."

Her lips trembled slightly. His eyes bore into hers, there black depths almost swallowing her. It was like he could read her. Read her mind of what she thought he was…

Then suddenly, his eyes widened.

Hermione shook her head frantically as he stepped towards her.

"Get out of my classroom." He whispered to her, his words caressed with ice, sharp as steel.

Her hands would not stop shaking as she stuffed her books into her satchel.

Harry and Ron were watching the exchange between the two. What the hell? Ran through both of the boy's minds.

Snape now stood in the front of the classroom. His hands tense, itching to hex someone.

He was a Legilimens. He had the unfortunate privilege to search people's minds at will, and randomly.

"Get out!" he yelled, "You have a report, due by tomorrow, five pages of parchment, if not done you fail this course! Topic: How not to be a dunderhead in Snape's room."

Everyone wanted to complain, but did not, in fear of further aggravating Snape.

* * *

He had seen what she had read last night. Little chit had _snuck _into the restricted section and had gotten the book from there.

Severus had never wanted to slap a female student before, but the fear that radiated from her, and now lived in her eyes for him, made him, want to shake her.

Why did she have to be a little know-it-all and learn _everything?_

She knew, knew what he had done for his initiation.

Damn it all!

The memory revolted him, what he did that fateful night had sealed his death eater status, a few times over. Everyone had talked about it, for years they still talked about it. One killing was enough, but he had decided on three. And one just for toture. A muggle born he had met in a tavern.

She had red hair, and blue eyes.

A close resemblance to…

No. He wouldn't think on it.

But now that Granger knew, knew of what kind of man he had been…or still was? It was the only thing on his mind.

* * *

Hermione was sitting in an abandoned corner in the hallway down the way from the classroom. Her hands shook. Her stomach was rolling with sharp spurts of revulsion.

She knew…knew he could read other's memories.

And he had. She felt him in her brain, weaving around her fear and questions.

She saw in his eyes the intense hatred he had for her. And for what he had done.

She bit her lip, fighting the tears.

They came, in hot little trails.

This was a horrible reaction to something she knew nothing about.

And she could only get answers from the _one _person who knew Snape well enough to answer them.

* * *

Tell me what you think?

R&R


	4. Chapter 4

Here is Chapter 4 for everybody.

I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Hermione stood outside Professor Dumbledore's office, twiddling her thumbs in nervousness. She wasn't sure what she was doing here, or what she meant to ask him.

Suddenly a voice called to her. "Ms. Granger, you may come in."

She jumped, not realizing Professor Dumbledore knew she was out there.

Hermione sat in the seat opposite his desk. His eyes were twinkling as he watched her. "Is there something you need Ms. Granger?"

She started twiddling her thumbs again. "I-I just wanted to know if you knew a lot about Professor Snape?"

He looked down his spectacles at her.

"A rather personal question." He said to her.

"I understand, it's just I-I.."

Professor Dumbledore picked something up, while she was stumbling over her words.

He set the book she had bought over the summer on the table.

Hermione narrowed her eyes, reaching for the object. "He gave it to you?"

"He did indeed Ms. Granger. I do not think he knew what was in the book though."

She bit her lip. "Over the summer Harry and Ron were saying…terrible things about Professor Snape, and Draco Malfoy. I just wanted to do some research is all. I didn't expect to find…to find..."

She couldn't finish. The words wouldn't leave her lips; it was if they were stuck in her throat.

"I know what you found Ms. Granger. I also know it has probably frightened you. But you must understand, we have all done things in our past that we are not proud of. Severus is included."

"I understand sir, but that…that is just…just..."

Hermione didn't finish.

"Ms. Granger..," he then rose out of his chair, looking at some of the things on his wall.

"Sir?"

"I want to show you something."

He walked to the other side of the room, walking over to his Penseive.

Hermione gulped. Not sure what he wanted to show her.

He raised his wand up to his temple, casually drawing out a small memory and dumping it into the bowl with all the others.

"Come look." He said to her, the twinkling still in his eyes.

She walked over and stood beside him.

"The memory you're about to see has to do with the events after the first war Ms. Granger. A trial if you'd like."

Hermione looked down, her curiosity outweighing her logical thinking. She leaned over, slipping and falling into the dreamlike bluish fog.

She screamed, feeling the air fly around her. She shut her eyes, waiting to feel the ground smash against her face.

Instead, she had magically slipped into a chair, surrounded by a ton of people. She looked around, realizing she was sitting beside a younger Dumbledore.

A loud crack sounded throughout the room. It was a judge's hammer, silencing everybody.

Barty Crouch bellowed for everybody to be silent.

Hermione's eyes fell upon a prisoner in the center of the room. He was in a very small area in the middle, a little bird cage like prison.

It was Snape.

Hermione's eyes widened as she stood up slightly.

Suddenly, Barty Crouch was talking, asking him a question.

"Severus Snape, Dumbledore has told us you have turned spy against the Dark Lord for us?"

Hermione cringed at the sight before her. Her teacher looked so young, so vulnerable wrapped in so many chains.

"I have." He said to him, simply.

Everyone in the room started to mumble. She caught some of the words that were being said.

"…traitor."

"…how can we trust him?"

"…he'll just go back to his old ways."

Her hands curled together, getting annoyed with their hateful comments.

She chanced a glance at Professor Dumbledore; his eyebrows were knit together, as in concentration.

Hermione wondered what he was thinking. Ways to help Snape?

Another person stood up this time, Hermione didn't recognize her. She was an older, bigger woman. Her hair was jet black, and she had a mean, pinched face about her.

"I have been told stories of your horrific initiation Severus, will you say they are false, or the truth?"

Hermione felt her breath stop in her throat; she felt the air go stiff and quiet. No one around her seemed to breathe either. She glanced again at Professor Dumbledore, his eyes fixated on the prisoner, as if to tell him to…lie?

Snape licked his lips slightly.

"They are false accusations."

The entire room erupted in different outbursts, most of them claiming he was a liar.

Dumbledore stood then, gathering everybody's attention.

"Severus Snape has been working with me over the last few months, he turned spy against Lord Voldemort and has been giving me information on the whereabouts and hideouts of the death eaters. _If _his initiation night were proven true, should it matter now? He has helped us a great deal in defeating the Dark Lord."

Barty Crouch nodded his head in understanding.

"The debate on his punishment is whether we should snap his wand and send him into the muggle world, or if we should send him to Azkaban for a short period of time."

Dumbledore was still standing, his eyes still glued to Snape.

"I ask the permission to seal his fate at Hogwarts as a teacher. He will remain there, and if he is to do anything in or with Dark Magic, he will be sent straight to Azkaban for the remainder of his days."

Silence drifted through the room.

Hermione knew his fate, but that didn't stop her heart from palpitating.

Her hands grew sweaty as she looked around the room at the grim faces of the jury.

Her mind went back to him denying his accusation, was it false then? Was someone just trying to get him in more trouble by writing a false statement in a book?

Barty Crouch stood, "All in favor of the prisoner being sent to the Muggle World, raise your wands."

35% of the room raised their wands, including the woman with the black hair.

"All in favor of him being under the watchful eye of Albus Dumbledore, raise your wands."

The rest of the room raised their wands.

Hermione breathed a sigh of imminent relief. As did her professor beside her. She studied him, this was the first time she had really ever seen him nervous. He also wrung his hands together.

Then, the room started to spin around her. The last thing she saw from the courtroom was the black eyes of her infuriated professor.

* * *

Hermione slammed back into Professor Dumbledore's office. Her head wrung slightly from her two uncomfortable trips.

She sat up, moving her back against the wall opposite him.

Dumbledore sat on the ground, staring at the floor.

"Severus did not want to be a teacher. He told me to let them send him into the Muggle world, at least that way he would be free."

She nodded her head. "I don't understand sir, did he lie when he told them he didn't kill those people?"

Dumbledore reacted with what looked like a tiny flinch.

"He did." He whispered to her.

Hermione sucked in her breath, feeling her chest tighten in horror.

"He knew if he told the truth, it would be death."

Severus paced his office as he thought back on his very long day. Granger's frightened face had burned a hole into his retinas. He hated feeling guilty, hated feeling remotely sorry for something he had paid for many times over.

He grit his teeth together and slumped down in his chair, scribbling something on a first year's essay.

Her brown eyes bore into his black ones, fear lacing the lines on her face.

When he ventured into her mind, he saw the scene play out before him, like he had been there to do it all over again.

He was angry that she couldn't mind her own bloody damn business.

Twitching in acute frustration, he decided to pay a visit to Dumbledore.

Professor Dumbledore looked at the girl, her shaking form, in mild concern.

"You mustn't judge him too harshly Ms. Granger."

She shook her head in confusion. "H-He killed people Professor, murdered them in the most horrific way someone can be murdered."

Her thoughts drifted to Neville's parents, who had been tortured to death by Bellatrix Lestrange. She had performed the cruciatus on them to the point of madness, then and only then did she decide to finally end their lives.

"Why would you forgive him Professor?"

Professor Dumbledore smiled at her.

"We all deserve a second chance Ms. Granger, even Severus. He has proved himself extremely loyal over the last couple of years."

Severus stopped outside Dumbledore's office, a bit nervous at entering.

"Can I ask why he decided to join our side Professor?"

* * *

Snape pushed the door open, and narrowed his eyes at the sight before him.

Granger was talking to Dumbledore; obviously the topic had been him.

Hermione felt her blood run cold. Her head started to pound again, her fear coursing through her body again.

Dumbledore smiled at Snape, "How lovely to see you Severus."

Snape said nothing as he stared at Granger. 'Block out your thoughts Hermione, block them, b-block them…'

But then, she felt him, softly moving through her thoughts.

"N-No.." she half shrieked.

Snape gnarled his teeth together, seeing what she had seen.

"Severus.." Dumbledore whispered in warning, knowing what the younger man was doing.

Snape pulled out of her mind, whirling on the older man. "You had no bloody right," he seethed.

Hermione wanted to die, that was a bit of an understatement actually. She wanted to melt into the ground, and pretend that her professor wasn't giving her a death glare.

"We had to sort a few things out Severus." Dumbledore told him, putting his hand on his shoulder.

He shook it off. "You had no right to tell her my business!"

"She had questions Severus, surely you must understand that."

"I understand, I understand that little Ms. Know-it-all read something about me that she never should have seen, and instead of just letting it go, she sticks her nose in deeper."

Hermione now glared at him, though the fear she held towards him still lingered.

"I-I was only trying to get to the bottom of it Sir, it wasn't a personal attack on you."

Snape's nostrils flared in anger, his face blossoming into a bright red. "I took the book from you for a specific reason _Ms. Granger_."

He sounded like he wanted to call her something else, the usage of her name laced in his spite.

"I didn't know that was in the book, you think if I did, I still would have read it?"

"Yes, I do. Anything to hang over the bat of the dungeons head, would surely make you and your friends extremely happy!"

Hermione felt the words hit her like a train. He actually lumped her in with all the other pupils? After she had verbally stuck up for him, in front of him at one point?

Her lower lip trembled. She didn't want to hear anymore. She knew all he would do was insult her and accuse her of something that was not purposely done.

Eyes roaming the room, she finally found her satchel. She grabbed at it, and left Dumbledore's office, not wanting either of the two to see the hot tears fall from her eyes.

* * *

R&R?

Love you.


	5. Chapter 5

Two chapters in one night?

Tell me you love me!

:)

* * *

Severus and Professor Dumbledore stood in silence for a few moments after Hermione ran out the door.

"What are you trying to do?" He growled at the old man. "What are you trying to _do_?"

Dumbledore sighed and went back to his place behind his desk. "I was only trying to answer her question Severus."

"By humiliating me? By making even more questions?"

He was beyond livid at the man before him. Instead of helping _fix_ the situation, he had managed to make it completely worse.

"Did you tell her that I am supposed to _kill _you at the end of this school year as well? Or did you leave that little bout of information out?"

Dumbledore snapped his eyes to the younger mans.

"Don't be absurd."

He glared at Dumbledore, not understanding his methods, or what drove him to make some of his decisions.

"You could have easily lied to her and told her that the passage was completely false. But now, she knows that I have a _reason_ as to why I began spying, and also knows that I murdered, in cold blood, three people. Just because I was trying to prove something. She thinks me a monster."

Dumbledore bore what looked like pity in his eyes. "You do not give her enough credit Severus, she's much wiser than that."

Severus clamped his lips in a thin line, "Who would _not _think that?"

"I do not think that." The headmaster said to him, gently.

The words hit Severus hard. "You would not think that, for you know the reason behind why I switched sides."

"Severus, even as a child in school, you were singled out unmercifully by your peers, I saw it then as well. You are _not _a bad person; you have simply made the wrong decisions in life, as we all have. But the important thing is that you learned from them." He spoke gently and wisely to the younger man, trying to make his words inflict him, if only just a little.

Severus's stoic mask fell for a moment, his eyes losing their anger and softened.

"My boy, do not bare your burdens alone."

That made it fall right back into place. He growled, "You'd have me _tell _Granger _why _I crawled back here with my tail between my legs?"

"No. I'm only saying that you can confide in me more. You've done so much for me, for Harry, and whether anyone sees it or not, for this school."

Severus drew back, feeling his chest burn.

"When the end of this year is over, you will be the only one thinking that headmaster."

Dumbledore heard and felt resentment in his words. He knew Severus did not want to do the task he had promised him at the beginning of the summer. He was no fool though; they both knew that Draco would never complete his task. He didn't have it in him to be a murderer.

"I wouldn't say that." Dumbledore said to him, his eyes sparkling a little.

* * *

Hermione had run all the way to Gryffindor tower, her chest was burning and she was very winded. Her head was full of today's events and how they made all her problems seem that much more strenuous.

He had done it. He had murdered those three people. She never got the chance to ask Dumbledore why he had spared the Muggleborn.

She needed answers.

* * *

Severus descended the steps back into his office.

His head hurt terribly. He needed a glass of his firewhiskey. Actually, he needed _many _glasses of his firewhiskey.

Damn Dumbledore and his inevitability to mind his own business. He couldn't _fix _him. He knew that from long, heated discussions in the past.

But, he hated to admit, he owed that old man everything. Snape opened his door, slamming it shut, gliding to his table.

Dumbledore made sure that he owed him everything. He had _never _wanted to be a teacher. He'd rather be a boring muggle that teach the many idiots that walked through the doors.

Then, there was the one.

Granger.

He tightened his grip on his glass. He wanted to slap some sense into her, and then ask who the hell she thought she was.

Then another muggleborn came into his mind. The reason as to why he had changed sides…

Lily.

Hermione ran to the Great Hall, almost missing dinner.

She entered the room, feeling eyes on her.

She sat beside Harry, whose eyes were trained on her as well.

"Hermione, what the bloody hell happened in Potions today?"

Ron was staring at her, waiting for her answer. She shuffled her mind for a valid excuse to give her friends.

"He was just angry at me for being smart with him Harry."

Harry raised his eyebrow, "It seemed like a lot more than that Hermione."

She shook her head, conjuring food and picking up her fork. "Really Harry, it's nothing else. If something _bad _were going on, I'd tell you. I promise."

They eyed her warily, torn between belief and nonbelief.

Hermione was almost done eating, blocking out the conversation about Quidditch next to her. Her thoughts went back to her professor. He had _killed _three people, but…Dumbledore forgave him. Why couldn't she?

She looked up, noticing her Potions Master was not at the table with the other teachers. This made her belly clench in tension.

She owed him an apology.

So, she decided she'd do it now.

* * *

Severus was extremely drunk. His mind raced with images of _dearest _Lily. His years with her. And…her death. He glared at his drink and threw it against the wall.

He glared into the fire, conjuring up another glass of firewhiskey. Then, suddenly, a timid knocked him out of his reverie.

"Go away!" he yelled.

Hermione heard him say something, thinking it was come in she pushed the door open.

She hadn't expected to see him hunched over in a chair, intoxicated. The firewhiskey he was consuming hit her nose and made her eyes water.

His black eyes flickered with the dancing flames dangerously.

Hermione stayed rooted to her spot, incredibly frightened.

"I-I.."

"Granger, what the _bloody hell _do you think you're doing here?" he growled at her. He didn't bother to use her name properly, for it did not matter.

She couldn't say anything. She couldn't find the words to say.

He suddenly moved his wand, slamming the door, warding it. If she was going to say something, she would damn well say it, now, right here.

Severus gulped down another swig of whiskey. Eyeing her as he did so.

Hermione was shaking, knowing she had made a giant mistake by coming down here. '_Breath Hermione, you can do this. Just say sorry and leave.'_

She inhaled. "I'm sorry about today sir; I overstepped my bounds of educational lines into personal lines."

He stared at her. He sneered, "That was one _hell _of an apology Granger."

She gulped, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end hearing the spite in his voice.

"Try again." He said, glaring back into the fire.

She stared at him. She had already apologized, what did he want from her?

"I will not." She said to him, "I've already said I'm sorry."

Severus chugged the rest of the glass. Adding to his already intense drunkenness.

"Granger, that apology was _shit_."

Hermione gasped, stepping back with his words. She could tell he was very drunk, and her senses were telling her to flee. "Y-You shouldn't be talking to me this way."

Turning, she gripped the doorknob and pulled, whimpering, she felt the hot tears hit her eyes again. Trapped, she was trapped. Caged with a man who was capable of anything.

He shot out of his chair, closing the space in between the two of them.

He grabbed her wrist, spinning her around to look at him. "Damn girl, stop sniveling and _sit _down."

Snape pushed her roughly to one of the chairs in the room. Hermione stumbled, but plopped herself down.

He chuckled a little, not sure what he was laughing at.

Hermione never took her eyes off him. He swayed a little, catching his balance a time or two. Snape poured himself another glass.

She cringed, knowing why he was drinking.

"Sir..I promise…I.."

"Shut up," he snapped.

Snape chugged his glass down, glaring at his student. Her face twisted and turned, he knew he was incredibly drunk.

It didn't stop him from talking to her though.

"I know you think I'm a bastard Granger."

Hermione grew very uncomfortable. She didn't know what to say to that. He had never been nice to her, or her friends. And now this knowledge on top of everything else?

Too long. She had taken too long to answer the question.

"Answer me!" he barked.

"N-No." She whispered.

"Bloody liar." He murmured back.

Hermione just sat there, listening to him gulp down his alcohol. She felt the anger radiate off his body in waves.

"So he told you the story was true?"

Silence.

"Yes, I know he did. How does that make you feel Ms. Granger? Knowing your teacher is a murderous bastard?"

"I-I d-don…," she squeaked out.

"Don't lie!" he yelled, standing up.

He abruptly stood in front of her. Looking down at her, he sneered. Her breath quickened and she looked down, avoiding his eye contact.

"You remind me of her..." he said, voice barely above a whisper.

"She was very adamant, like you."

Not looking up, her eyebrows were narrowed, wracking her brain for who he might be talking about.

"Very brave, unfortunately, like you as well."

Hermione felt herself stiffen. Was that a compliment?

"She was also very _foolish_, thinking she could stand _against _him…"

Something in his voice made her look up. His face was impassive against any emotion. He also seemed to be teetering on the edge of falling over.

He raised his glass to his lips again. Hermione inched to take it from him.

Severus closed his eyes, "Lily, you left me..."

Did Hermione hear him clearly? Did he say Lily?

"All over what I said in the heat of the moment… You know I did not mean it.."

He sounded so broken to Hermione.

"And then that…_Potter. _Poisoned your mind towards me. And you _let _him." He unexpectedly, grabbed Hermione, pulling her body against his.

"P-Professor." She shrieked, using her palm to gain some distance between the two.

His eyes held pain. It scared Hermione, and it confused her.

The shriek brought him back to a little bit of sense. Realizing just _who _he was holding, he hastily let her go.

Hermione backed away from the man, hitting the door with her back.

"Let me out, please."

Snape looked at her again, the film covering his eyes again.

Moving his wand, he mumbled something.

"Get out."

Hermione took no time to run out the door.

* * *

R&R

-I love you


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you to all my reviewers, you truly keep me writing. Bear in mind, I do take your suggestions seriously.

Thank you again.

I love you-

* * *

Severus awoke to burning sliding up his left forearm, hissing in excruciating pain, he jumped from his seat. His head however, protested and he groaned slightly, rubbing his temples.

His dark mark continued to burn.

He sighed, feeling like he was in a tilt-a-whirl.

Stumbling to his closet, he grabbed his ceremonial clothes and departed for the port key.

Before he left, he went to his cupboard, and grabbed an elixir that would help with his hangover.

Gulping it back, he felt the effects almost instantly.

* * *

The port key amusingly, was a hedge of bright red roses near the entrance to Hogwarts. Snape slightly touched one of the flowers and he was swiftly spinning in mid-air. This did nothing to help his headache, and he felt like he would retch.

Everything kept spinning even as his feet touched the ground.

He was outside the gates of Malfoy Manor.

When he entered the mansion, he vaguely noticed some blood spots leading all the way into a room. His stomach did a mild flip and worry settled into his face.

_Who's blood?_

He got his answer when he entered the dining room, where the death eaters now had eyes only for him. Stomach lurching, he saw the woman strung up above them, her blonde hair streaked through with bright red blood. Her mouth was open, blood running out of the side. Her eyes..blank.

Leona Stone.

She had been a death eater. A muggleborn. No-one had known she had been one, except for Severus.

The day that Voldemort had come back, she pulled Severus aside, telling him of her secret.

Snape didn't know why she had confided in him. He couldn't do anything to help her.

Voldemort turned to him and smiled. Snape felt his heart drop to his stomach, growing extremely nervous.

"Come Severus. You may sit beside me." He patted the seat beside him, gently.

Severus was treading carefully, watching all the people in the room. Their faces were impassive. He eyed Draco and his mother, they both looked petrified.

When he sat down, Voldemort began to speak.

"As you can all see, we have Ms. Leona Stone with us." He pointed his wand up at her. Snape saw her fingers twitch.

She was still alive?

"Well, Ms. Stone came clean to one of our followers that she was a.._mudblood._ A filthy, little _mudblood."_

The words hit Snape hard. He remembered when he…when he...

Shaking his head, he diverted his eyes away from the woman.

Voldemort flicked his wand at her, muttering something.

A slice appeared across her throat, making the rest of her blood drain out onto the table. Some of the death eaters backed their chairs up a little, others gasped. Bellatrix was laughing maliciously, running her fingers through the blood with absolute glee.

Snape could feel the contents of his stomach come up with the sight.

How had his life come to this?

"Ms. Stone was a right fool. Trying to hide her disgusting secret from _me."_

Severus moved his eyes to the man beside him. His eyes were blood red, and a sneer graced his features.

"Now, we come to the _actual _matter of business here." At that, Voldemort stood up and started to tread around the table of death eaters.

"At Hogwarts School, mudbloods run the halls freely under that old fool Dumbledore."

They all started to mumble darkly.

Severus had a very bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"We all find them to be...abominations. So...I have come up with a task to help wheedle them out of the world. Starting with the school."

Snape then felt the feeling move throughout his body.

"Dumbledore's time is coming. Thanks to our friend and brother Draco." He moved to stand behind Draco, his hand touching the top of his head in fondness.

The boy shook a little.

"Now." He suddenly moved away again.

Everyone was listening, watching him glide carelessly around the room.

"We all know about Harry Potter and his friends."

They mumbled again and agreed.

Severus gripped the edge of the table, panic washing through his system.

"And we all know Ms. Hermione Granger."

Snape was trying to not shake his head. His lips twisted in anger.

Bellatrix suddenly shot her hand up. "Let me kill her my lord! Little strumpet, I'll give it to her real good."

Others snickered around her.

Voldemort smiled, "As much as I admire your blood lust Bellatrix, I must leave this task to someone who sees Ms. Granger, and can spy on her on a daily basis."

Bella huffed and sat back in her chair, crossing her arms.

Snape felt the knot grow tighter in his stomach.

"Severus." He turned to him, smiling wickedly.

No.

No.

"I want you to watch Ms. Granger. I do not want you to kill her. She'll be most useful to me in the future."

Snape felt his fingers turn white with the death grip on the table.

"Yes sir." His voice felt foreign, even to him. He rasped out the words with great trepidation.

Draco was looking at him, his eyes unreadable, but Snape could read them. He saw distress. He raised his eyebrows at him, making the young man look away quickly.

* * *

Voldemort dismissed the group some time later.

Snape caught Draco right before he reached the rose bush.

"Draco, tell me how you're fairing with the Headmaster."

The young man furrowed his eyebrows, shaking the Professors hand from his robes. He was silent, not looking at him.

"Draco, you must tell me if you're having trouble. I can he.."

He didn't have the chance to get all the words out of his mouth before the young Malfoy was in defense mode.

"I don't need you to look after me! I can do this task on my own! I h-have to." He bit his lip to keep his lower lip from quivering.

Snape felt his stomach constrict again in pity.

Draco turned around and hastily disappeared away from him.

Severus stood there for a few minutes, contemplating on the new task he was give. He wondered how much his conscious could take before he finally broke altogether.

Now he would have to spy on Granger.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't lead her to her death. Closing his eyes, he willed himself to calm down.

Stepping up to the bush, he appeared back at Hogwarts.

Looking up at the castle, he knew where he had to go.

Snape knocked on the office door to the Headmaster, wondering if he was awakening him from his sleep.

"Come in," came his voice, reassuring Snape that he hadn't.

"What happened at this meeting Severus?"

Snape felt the words grip his throat like a vice.

The way he was feeling must have slipped past his mask, for Dumbledore stood up from his chair and went around his desk, laying a compassionate hand on the man's shoulder.

He nodded, reassuring the man he was alright.

When he was done telling the old Wizard the night's events, he saw the look of forlorn settle on his features. His blue eyes held no twinkle, only sadness.

"You must do the task Severus." He quietly told him.

"I know."

Stillness passed in between the two.

"But, we must also protect her. You must teach her Occlumency. That way you can see into her thoughts, but you can also teach her something valuable."

Snape remembered suddenly the nights previous events play out in his mind.

Oh god did he really?

Everything was so messed up, so broken.

Severus wanted to crawl into a hole and die somewhere.

* * *

R&R

Love. Love!


	7. Chapter 7

Two chapters tonight.

* * *

Hermione sat at the table in the Great Hall, pushing food around her plate. What had happened with Professor Snape had been on replay in her brain since last night.

She snuck a glance up at the table of teachers, noticing him nibbling on his food.

Butterflies settled in his stomach.

_Lily._

Hermione knew of only one Lily, and that was Harry's mother. Could there somehow be a connection between the two?

Had they known each other?

Hermione wanted to know, wanted answers, but after everything that had happened, she was afraid to pry into it.

She looked back at her Professor, and noticed he was staring at her as well.

* * *

Harry and Ron walked with her out to the grounds. Today was their free day, and they wanted to go see Hagrid.

"It's getting colder." Ron said, hugging his arms around himself.

"Really Ronald, I told you before we left it would be colder now, why don't you listen?"

"Maybe because you're not my mum Hermione." He growled back at her, irritably.

Harry walked in between the two, sensing tension.

They arrived at the giant's cabin; he was outside pulling up weeds around his pumpkins.

"Bloody roots, always killing my plants, ruddy work to."

Hermione knelt beside him, helping him pull some of the weeds out.

Harry and Ron stood back, both too cold to be of any use.

Harry stepped to them though, noticing the harsh lines of sleeplessness align his friends face.

"Hagrid? Have you been sleeping well?"

The man stopped what he was doing, his hands splayed out on the ground before him. Hermione noticed the dirt caking his fingers. She looked around; noticing none of the other plants had been tended to. He looked like he had been doing this for hours though..

He shook his head.

Ron was shivering. "What's wrong Hagrid?"

Hagrid was still kneeling down, his eyes never leaving the ground.

Sighing, he stood up, wiping his hands.

"Thanks for helpin me 'ermione."

* * *

They all went inside the cabin, feeling the wonderful heat envelope them.

Harry sat first, observing his friend, noticing the lines even more, especially under his eyes.

Hagrid conjured up some hot chocolate for the teenagers. They took it graciously, offering thanks to him.

"Tell us Hagrid, tell us what's wrong."

"I'm worried about Professor Dumbledore." He admitted to them.

They all looked at each other. Hermione felt her heart start to pound a little harder at his declaration.

"What do you mean Hagrid?" She prodded gently.

He coughed a little, drinking some of his hot cocoa. "It's really hard to explain 'ermione, he just seems different this year."

Hermione wracked her brain for any strange behavior the day she visited him in his office.

She couldn't remember having seeing any.

"That and, he has a black patch of skin on 'is right hand."

Harry and his friends listened intently. Worry started to run through each of their minds.

"I think ee's dying."

Hermione felt her blood run as cold as the outside weather at what he had just said.

Silence drifted in between the tight nit group.

"Hagrid, we don't know if anything is going on with him." She tried to reassure her friend, leaning across the table to twine her fingers with his.

She smiled gently and squeezed.

Hagrid moved his lips into a small smile. Gently squeezing back.

* * *

When they left his cabin, nothing was said on the way back to the castle.

Ron finally broke the silence.

"Do you think he's gone mental?"

Hermione glared at him. "Of course not Ronald. He's just concerned about Dumbledore."

Harry was walking behind the two, watching the small argument.

"But why?" He finally spoke up. "Is there something Hagrid isn't telling us?"

Hermione glanced behind her. "He did say Dumbledore had the black patch of skin on his hand."

"I wonder what that could be." Harry mused, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Ron sighed, following suite with his hands.

Hermione rubbed her temples, feeling the stress run in her veins, settle into her mind. Everything was so dark, so worrisome.

"I can do some research on it." She told them.

* * *

Hermione sat in her common room. She had reopened the book Darkness: Defined, hoping to find something related to the condition Dumbledore had. She tapped her wand against the front cover, closing her eyes.

Snape drifted into her mind. He had been sitting in the back of it all day long. Potions tomorrow would be highly interesting.

She realized that she needed to go to the library, wanting to look into the condition some more.

Hermione realized the library had one more hour before it closed down for the night.

She went over to the health section. She scanned the many books, gripping her chin in concentration.

Her fingers scanned the labels, '_Diseases and Incantations for Healing, 'Rare Killing Diseases.' _Hermione suddenly scanned one that made sense, '_Rare conditions involving Skin diseases.'_

It was straight forward to what she was looking for.

She plucked it from the bookshelf and dropped it on the table, beginning her search.

* * *

The book was huge, lengthy, and even to her reading standards.

"Bloody Merlin, how many _unknown _reasons could there be for a skin disease?"

She yawned, her eyes closing for a brief second. She turned the page, and opened her eyes.

On the page, a word caught her eye. It looked like somebody had tried to blot it out with a marker, or a quill. She raised an eyebrow and moved her eyes a long the page.

_Dark magic._

The sentence beside it read…

_Very rare occurrence, but if an item has been cursed with dark magic, and the wearer or individual comes into close contact with it, it could be quite fatal. __It can release a poison that settles into the blood stream fairly quickly._

Hermione didn't know what the dark magic was, or what it did, but the twisting in her stomach told her it was something not to be overlooked.

Her eyes scanned again…her heart sinking to the floor.

_Causes death._

Hermione couldn't believe what she had just read. Granted, there was a slim chance to it being the cause, but something told Hermione to look into it further. And anything including Dark Magic, she would have to go someplace bigger.

The restricted section. Or, Knockturn Alley.

She leaned more to Knockturn Alley, only because she knew Snape saw her sneaking in here, the last time he read her mind.

Before she went anywhere, she needed to tell her friends about her discovery. She wanted their opinion on what she should do.

Harry and Ron sat across from her in the Common Room, playing Wizards Chess, not looking up to watch her nervously start.

"I did research today, on what the condition involving the Professor's hand could be."

"Mmhm." They both remarked, engrossed in their game.

"I think it has something to do with Dark Magic."

That caught their attention.

Hermione told them the story about finding the information, including the part where she'd have to search further than Hogwarts probably.

"When is our next free day? Harry said quietly.

"Tuesday, remember the Holiday celebrating the founders of our houses. Classes are canceled for the day." Ron said to him.

Harry nodded, "Then that's the day we'll be visiting Knockturn Alley."

* * *

R&R

Man, this chapter was packed full of information for later chapters.

Thank you for your patience. Love love,

Heather.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you everyone for all your reviews.

Love. Love.

* * *

Tuesday came for the youth, quickly.

Hermione paced in her common room, nervous about leaving the grounds. What if they were caught? What if they were caught in Knockturn Alley?

She stopped. '_Get it together Hermione; you've done plenty of things against the rules before.'_

She looked at her watch; it was vastly approaching 5:00 a.m.

The group had decided it would be better to go early in the morning. Hermione was now waiting for the boys to get dressed.

Finally they emerged, yawning. Ron looked like he was the walking dead. Hermione scowled and grabbed their hands, dragging them to the door.

"Now, listen, have we decided where we're going to exit?"

Harry nodded, grasping in his coats for something.

He took out the Marauders Map, tapping his wand against it; he muttered the enchantment to open the atlas.

"First, we need to be sure no one is awake. We can leave and cut through Hogsmeade. From there, we can fly to Knockturn Alley."

Ron yawned again. "How long do you think this trip will take?"

Hermione pursed her lips together, lost in thought. She tapped her chin, she felt like they were missing something. She felt like there was an easier way to get to their destination.

"Harry, what if we floo'd there?"

Her friends looked at her.

"I'm serious." She told them, quietly.

"We could sneak into one of the houses in Hogsmeade, and use their fireplace."

"We can't do that Hermione, remember, the floo at Hogsmeade is connected to the ones in Hogwarts. Dumbledore would know that we used it." Harry said to her.

"No. There is one house that is not rigged with the floo system." She looked at both of them, smiling a little.

Ron blanched, _knowing _what she was talking about.

"The Shrieking Shack." They said in unison.

* * *

It was freezing outside. The snow hadn't started to fall yet, but they were due for a storm any day now.

"Hermione? Are you sure this is a good idea?" Harry asked her, as they snuck along the grounds. "I think we should fly instead."

"Harry, do you know how long flying would take?" She asked the rhetorical question.

They all three paused behind a bush. The biting cold was starting to settle into their bones. Ron was shivering beside her, teeth clattering. Annoyance bloomed inside her. Lord, maybe she just should have come alone. Or with Harry.

"It's clear," Harry said.

They had been to the Shrieking Shack before, thanks to the events of third year. So they knew one of the easier ways in.

Hermione looked up at the Womping Willow. It was not stirring…yet. Any sound could set it off.

She turned to the young men, and put a finger to her lips, "We have to go in one at a time."

Ron was trembling as he stared up at the tree. He knew one good hit, would probably break every bone in his body.

"I'm not going first." He said, putting his hands up in mock defeat.

"Ronald." Hermione hissed. "We do not have time to cater to your immaturity."

He turned to her, glaring. "You go first then, go on, go on."

Turning her chin up, she glided forward. Suddenly, the tree stirred a little, making her halt. She felt the boys behind her tense up, ready to surge forward to grab her encase it fully awoke.

Hermione had a thought. She dropped to her knees and got on her belly, starting to crawl.

She stopped again when it shook its branches.

Closing her eyes, she started to scoot faster.

Finally, she had made it to the little hole in the bottom of the tree.

Harry followed after her.

They both were beckoning Ron on, he was crawling a lot slower, his eyes never leaving the tree. He stopped, his eyes widening at his friends.

He pointed at his nose, and Hermione almost screamed…

"Achoo!"

The tree awakened. It started to swing its branches around.

"Ron Hurry!" They screamed at him.

He started to scoot faster, scarcely missing a trunk that had landed by his foot. His face was beat red as his heart thundered against his chest in fright.

They grabbed his hand when he got closer, making all of them fall down the hole.

Hermione screeched as Harry's foot landed on her hand, they were tumbling, rolling in a big ball, down the rabbit hole of their own disorder.

Harry landed on his arm in the dirt. He heard grumbling beside him.

"'arry, git erf of me."

He cracked an eye open, realizing he was lying on top of Ron.

"Sorry Ron," he said, rolling to the side, freeing his friend.

Hermione was face down in the dirt, a few steps away from the two guys. Her hand tingled in pain. Grimacing, she climbed to her feet.

"Well, that could have gone a whole lot smoother."

Ron scowled at her, "I'm sorry I had to sneeze Hermione."

"It's no big deal Ron." She said to him, her hand was aching, and she touched it, her face showing pain.

Ron didn't miss this, "What happened to your hand?"

"Harry, he kind of, stepped on it, on our way down here. It was an accident. I think he dislocated one of my fingers."

Harry winced, "I'm sorry Hermione."

Ron tenderly touched her hand, looking at it closely. "I don't think you dislocated anything. I think maybe he might have stepped on a nerve. The pain should subside shortly."

Hermione looked up at him in wonder. How did he know all of that? She was rather impressed.

The group went over to the fireplace in the deserted house.

"Alright, we go in, one at a time." Harry said.

He stood inside the fireplace, grabbing the sand. "Knockturn Alley!"

Hermione and Ron followed shortly after.

* * *

They rolled out into a tavern that was empty. Hermione breathed a sigh of relief; she quickly pulled Harry and Ron into one of the bathrooms.

"What are you doing Hermione?"

"Harry, we can't be seen here with our normal appearance, do you know what attention that will draw? Not only that, but most of the people here are on…Voldemort's side."

Ron blanched at the name, not entirely used to it.

"What are we to do then? We can't very well brew Polyjuice potion." Ron said to both of them.

"Exactly, which is why, we will just turn into the opposite sex of ourselves, which does not require a potion, just a simple spell."

Hermione pushed her wand against her temple, and muttered, "Ephelious changeous."

Then, she pointed at her wardrobe. She swiftly changed her clothing into black attire with a cloak.

The boys looked on as her change settled over her features. Her hair shortened, her…female parts disappearing.

"Blimey Hermione, you're a man!" Ron said, his face feeling hot all of a sudden.

She looked in the mirror, touching her face. "Well, I dare say, I'm rather attractive."

"We couldn't tell you." Ron and Harry said at the same time.

"Come on then." She said to the boys.

They seemed rather wary of changing their sexes.

"I don't know Hermione, what if, what if my, erm…that is." Ron stumbled over his words, heavily embarrassed at what he meant to say.

"Ronald. This spell only changes what you can _see_, not the… well, you know."

Both boys breathed a sigh of relief and Hermione rolled her eyes at their adolescent thoughts. '_Leave it to a male to only think of their virile anatomy in a time of importance.'_

They murmured the spell, effectively activating the change.

"Don't overlook your robes, we need to blend in as much as possible. "

After all the incantations were cast, they all three looked at each other and chortled.

"I do say Ron; you look a little like Ginny." Hermione said to him in her male's voice. She clapped her hand over her mouth and stared wide eyed at the boys. Blimey, she was really a man!

"Highly feminine Ron." Harry said to him, winking.

"Blimey Harry, you're a _hot _girl. Maybe you should stay that way."

Harry rolled his eyes at Ron's comment. "And maybe penguins will fly out of my arse."

* * *

Hermione looked down at her watch, realizing it was peaking 7:30.

"Alright," she started, turning to them. "All of the shops open at 8:00."

"Do you know where this bookshop is Hermione?" Harry asked her.

"It's at the end of Knockturn Alley. It's by the Potions store, I'm sure of it." She said confidently.

Ron raised an eyebrow, "Hermione, enlighten me, how do you know where all of these shops are? You haven't been down here have you?"

"Of course not!" She snapped. "I-I was just curious one day and decided to do a little research on the area. I wanted to come mind you, but I've been too afraid to."

Harry piped in. "I've been here. Remember when I accidentally said the wrong location at the Weasley's house? Thank goodness Hagrid was there to help me out."

8:00 approached quickly. Hermione and the boys were hiding out in a corner of the Alley. Hermione was playing with little curls, trying to get the cow lick out of her hair.

"How do you boys deal with this hair? It's so thick and short. See these little pieces..." She pointed at the ends sticking out. "They're bloody ridiculous."

They snickered.

"Alright, you both know the drill. Play the part."

'_Dark Mages Magic.'_

Hermione, Harry, and Ron stood in front of a building that rivaled the creepiness of the Shrieking Shack. Its sign in the front was torn and barren. It squeaked when the wind blew, almost flying off its hinges.

Hermione jostled the door open.

It shut with a vicious slam. She clutched her wand in her pocket, just encase someone got a little too interested in their business here, she would be ready.

The bookstore keeper stood behind the desk. His hair was silver, his eyes black. He dressed in a black robe that dragged the floor. It was dirty with little patches gone on both arms. The garment itself rode up a little above the wrists, leaving the space to reveal a tattoo like element on his left forearm.

Hermione shivered, knowing who and _what _this man was.

She glanced at Harry who was now glaring hatefully at the man. Nudging him, she pointed to a book shelf on the other side of the store.

Hermione skimmed the books, at first not finding anything that could help them with their research.

Then, she ran across a book that was titled, '_Dark Magic and Etc.' _It looked rather promising so she decided to grab it.

Harry and Ron stood behind her, waiting for her to pick the books.

"How much are these?" Ron whispered to the pair of them.

"Two shillings." Hermione said to him, continuing to look along the rows of books.

She had found the books she needed. Approaching the counter, she slammed the books down. The bookkeeper eyed her suspiciously. "Pray tell what you're using these for?" He growled out to them.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "That would be none of your business sir."

She felt Harry and Ron tense. She knew they were itching to hex this man, if he tried to get in their way.

He tapped his fingers on the books and shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever, get yourselves killed then."

* * *

They left the bookstore. The alleyways were now crowded with people.

Hermione suddenly grabbed Ron and Harry. "L-Look ahead," she said to him.

"Malfoy?" Harry questioned.

"We've got to get out of here," Ron said.

They hurried along the cobblestones, catching many stares. Draco Malfoy had ducked into a potions shop, disappearing into the crowded store.

"Wait. Wait. I want to see what he's here for," Harry said to them. "We're disguised; he won't be able to recognize us. If we split up in the store, then he really won't expect anything."

Hermione had a bad feeling creeping up her spine. He was, in a way right though, if they wanted to _ever _spy on Draco, now was the perfect opportunity.

"Harry, half an hour and we need to go." Hermione told him, looking him straight in the eye.

"Agreed."

Walking into the shop, Hermione decided to go into the back of the store. The wall was aligned with many sleeping elixirs. Some however, were not sleeping elixirs. Hermione read one that helped with pregnancy…

She gasped and moved along the wall. Hermione chanced a look around, seeing Harry beside Draco in the front. Were they beside the…poisons?

Ron looked lost in the middle of the store, picking up random vials, raising and eyebrow and putting them back down. She stifled a laugh, knowing Ron had no idea what he was looking at. Unlike Hogwarts, most of these concoctions were illegal, and weren't supposed to be sold. But this was Knockturn Alley, where most of the _deatheaters _ran free.

Harry watched the young man. He was standing in front of the deadly potions now, his hand moving over each one.

He narrowed his eyes at Malfoy, wanting to hex the hell out of him. Why was he here? Buying potions that could kill someone?

Draco looked around hesitantly; he had plucked a vial off of the wall, making his way silently to the cashier.

He muttered something to the man.

The older man nodded, taking something out of Draco's hand.

Harry played it cool and waited until Malfoy left before he went to look at the poison he had bought.

He had bought _The Opius halucitus._

They left the store, the air between them thick with questions. "Harry, do you know what he bought?" Hermione questioned him.

"He bought poison Hermione, the questions is, who is it for? Why does he have it?"

Ron yawned. "We all know Draco is a nutter Harry."

Hermione sighed and looked at her watch. It was now 10:30.

"The tavern doesn't open till 12:00, we'll have time to get in and take the floo network without being seen."

* * *

They were finally at the Shrieking Shack.

"We can take the incantations off now." Hermione told them. Pointing at herself, she whispered, "Finite Changeous." The counter spell took effect, and Hermione felt herself forming back into a woman.

Harry and Ron were changing as she did. They sighed in relief, looking like they wanted to hug themselves.

"It feels bloody good to be a man again." Ron said, looking at his fingers.

Harry nodded, agreeing.

They walked back up to their dorms, not seeing anybody in the hallway. Everyone was probably in Hogsmeade by now.

Suddenly, before they got to their portrait, they were stopped.

"Well, Well, if it isn't the Golden trio. What would you be doing inside with everybody else out in the town?"

Snape.

Hermione felt her gut do a roll as she looked at the man. Remembering the name he had called her…_Lily._ Dismissing the event, she suddenly knew this could have a very bad ending. Playing pretend would probably be their only way out of this.

Grabbing her stomach, she hunched over. "Oh my god, I feel sick…"

Ron took her hand, looking worriedly at her. "Hermione, are you alright?"

She heard genuine concern in his voice. It made her stomach do a little backflip.

Harry was glaring at the professor. "Hermione got _sick _sir. We were taking her back to her room, and then we were going to depart to Hogsmeade. If that's _okay _with you."

Snape grit his teeth, annoyed at his attitude.

Hermione hoped it would work. Hoped.

She threw an image in her mind of her throwing up on the ground in the ladies bathroom. She had a feeling he would try and get into her mind again. Even though he wasn't allowed to read other's thoughts, being against the law and all. But then again, when did Snape ever abide by the laws?

"He believed us!" Ron said, astounded.

"He's such a bloody git. Did he really have to stop us? Nosy bastard." Harry bit out, furiously.

Hermione shrugged, digging around in her bag. She had yet to tell her friends everything that had happened with Professor Snape, and she never intended to. It would be nothing but a big blowout if she were to confide in them.

"Ah ha." She said, triumphantly. She had the three books in her hand, holding them against her chest.

"Here." She said to them, "I want you both to flip through the books to see if anything catches your eye. If it does, tell me."

Harry got the book, '_Tales of the Darkest Magic in History.'_

Ron got the book, '_Dark Spells hidden.'_

And Hermione got, '_Dark Magic and Etc.'_

Minutes passed by before any of them said anything.

Harry was scanning many stories about Dark events in Wizarding history. A lot of the passages were real stories of aurors who fought in the first war against Voldemort. He was sort of hoping he'd find something on his parents.

Hermione was getting aggravated; she couldn't find anything that helped them understand more on Dumbledore's condition, or what it could be.

Suddenly, Ron put his book down, running a finger over his temple. "Hermione?"

"Hmm." She said, not looking up.

"I've never heard of this word before. Actually, I've never seen it before either. Have you?"

He moved the book beside her, pointing at the word.

_Horcrux._

Hermione bit her lip and shook her head. "I've never seen that word before Ron. But, I have a sneaking suspicion it _means _something."

* * *

Severus was walking back to his chambers, after goading half of the students on their way out to Hogsmeade.

His thoughts ran back to the three Gryffindors who were not out with their classmates. Granger sick? He highly doubted it. They were probably sneaking about the castle, meddling in things that were none of their business. As usual.

He remembered back to that night in his chambers, when he was extremely drunk. Granger had been the woman sitting in his living room, the person he had called Lily.

He felt like a fool.

But he couldn't lie to himself, when he looked at Granger he felt a stab of guilt, knowing that he would have to gain her trust, and then…destroy it. She would hate him, so much more than she did now.

He whispered the incantations to his rooms and stepped inside.

This was his life. Lying and deceiving people. It was all because of the stupid decision he had made when he was an adolescent. He had so much hate pent up inside him; he thought he needed the company of murderers.

Maybe it was because of his father.

The grimy bastard. He had never been there for him, calling him a freak on numerous occasions for what he was.

His mother, she was always nice to him. She was a witch herself, which his father hated. He never failed to bring her down for it. Striking her every time she pulled out her wand in front of him.

Severus always promised himself that he would never be like him. But, horribly in some way he was.

He was his father.

Looking in the mirror, he raised his fist and punched the reflection, making the glass shatter.

He hung his arm limply by his side, the blood making little pitter patter sounds on the floor.

The only sound in the room.

The only sound in his soul.

* * *

A looong chapter. Well, at least for me.

R&R?


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